Monday, September 15, 2014

Intimacy in Motherhood



Not until I became a mom, myself, did I understand the full beauty of celebrating motherhood and the most intimate of connections, that between mother and child.  Becoming a mom changes everything.  Previously, I felt great pride in my career, in my educational achievements; I saw myself as able to make choices about career and family in similar ways as a man.  I had known great romantic love and, in part, I identified myself in light of this fortunate connection.  I felt connected to my own mom in a very deep and fulfilling way.  And then I received the news...

Life, a new life, filled my body, took over my body, occupied my mind and my very soul.  This new life grew and made its presence ever more known until it overflowed.  This rite of passage brought me great pain, a great pain that signaled to me that I am in touch with the profound, that I have immense power, that I have created and will nurture...life!  This life, removed from the safety of that special place within, is now an organ, a heart, a lung, a life-sustaining tissue all soft and delicate, raw and unscathed...vulnerable.  It is my new role in life to protect this beautiful vulnerable miracle that has journeyed outside my body and in it's place filled me with awe.

No more is the strength in career and professional achievements, no more do I live for myself alone.  A love unlike any I have ever known has sprouted within me.  It is a love the feeds on itself.  It is a love that that is so big it couldn't get any bigger, and yet, it grows...  a daydream, a longing, a preoccupation, absolute peace and fulfillment, bundles of nerves and worry, everything I ever wanted but never realized, all tinted with that pain, the labor which brought me my first exchanged glance.

And now the time has quickened its pace.  We've captured that first glance and collapsed in one another's arms, exhausted from our journey which brought us together.  I enter this daydream state, this dance that introduces me to the one for whom I've known no greater love, and I slowly awaken.  I see first smiles, mumblings, first tooth, first word, crawling, walking... and when I awaken, this quickened clock which I wish I could pause, has watched my little delicate bundle develop into a beautiful soul with her very own opinions, her very own tastes and styles and passions, her very own friends, her very own life...

I have climbed mountains and have been filled with great awe, I have visited wonders created by humans with great passion and commitment, I have known and observed romantic love which rippled out in great quakes across the earth, but when I look into the eyes of a child, when I gaze into the eyes of my children, when I caress their soft skin, smell their innocent spirits, watch their movements, capture an expression, see a smile, hear laughter and little footsteps shuffling across the floor, hear "I love you," I know that life holds no greater love, no more amazing wonder, no more profound connection than the bond between mother and child. 

Saturday, June 14, 2014

Mother Earth

See the mountains humping and rolling high
Rimming the day birth and busting the sun
And tucking the fog sheets 'round her knees
And strumming the wind with her finger-trees
And scratching her back against the sky.

Watch the cloud banks roll and stroke her hips
Dripping whispers of sighs from the branch and bush
Hear her womb-hollows stir with the murmur of life
Feel the warm of her body, the sweet of her breath
And the rhythm of mating that thunders and cries.

Deep in her belly the water veins pulse
And nipple the roots that suckle their life
And streams from her breasts in a liquid flow
Giving life to her children she cradles in love
And adding a lilt from Her spirit mind
The melody humming of water's song.
-Forrest Carter from The Education of Little Tree

Friday, June 13, 2014

Scraps from a Diary: Chief Seattle—A gentleman by Instinct His Native Eloquence


Chief Seattle delivered a speech in is native language, Duwamish, to his tribal assembly in the Pacific Northwest in 1854.  Notes on the speech were jotted down by a Dr. Henry Smith, who emphasized that his translation was inadequate to render the beauty of Chief Seattle's imagery and thought.  The following is his translation of that eloquent speech:

Scraps from a Diary:
Chief SeattleA gentleman by Instinct
His Native Eloquence, etc., etc.

by Henry A. Smith
10th article in the series “Early Reminiscences”
Seattle Sunday Star, October 29, 1887

Old Chief Seattle was the largest Indian I ever saw, and by far the noblest-looking. He stood 6 feet full in his moccasins, was broad-shouldered, deep-chested, and finely proportioned. His eyes were large, intelligent, expressive and friendly when in repose, and faithfully mirrored the varying moods of the great soul that looked through them. He was usually solemn, silent, and dignified, but on great occasions moved among assembled multitudes like a Titan among Lilliputians, and his lightest word was law.

When rising to speak in council or to tender advice, all eyes were turned upon him, and deep-toned, sonorous, and eloquent sentences rolled from his lips like the ceaseless thunders of cataracts flowing from exhaustless fountains, and his magnificent bearing was as noble as that of the most cultivated military chieftain in command of the forces of a continent. Neither his eloquence, his dignity, or his grace were acquired. They were as native to his manhood as leaves and blossoms are to a flowering almond.

His influence was marvelous. He might have been an emperor but all his instincts were democratic, and he ruled his loyal subjects with kindness and paternal benignity.

He was always flattered by marked attention from white men, and never so much as when seated at their tables, and on such occasions he manifested more than anywhere else the genuine instincts of a gentleman.

When Governor Stevens first arrived in Seattle and told the natives he had been appointed commissioner of Indian affairs for Washington Territory, they gave him a demonstrative reception in front of Dr. Maynard’s office, near the waterfront on Main Street. The bay swarmed with canoes and the shore was lined with a living mass of swaying, writhing, dusky humanity, until old Chief Seattle’s trumpet-toned voice rolled over the immense multitude, like the startling reveille of a bass drum, when silence became as instantaneous and perfect as that which follows a clap of thunder from a clear sky.

The governor was then introduced to the native multitude by Dr. Maynard, and at once commenced, in a conversational, plain, and straightforward style, an explanation of his mission among them, which is too well understood to require capitulation.

When he sat down, Chief Seattle arose with all the dignity of a senator, who carries the responsibilities of a great nation on his shoulders. Placing one hand on the, governor’s head and slowly pointing heavenward with the index finger of the other, he commenced his memorable address in solemn and impressive tones.

Yonder sky that has wept tears of compassion upon my people for centuries untold, and which to us appears changeless and eternal, may change. Today is fair. Tomorrow it may be overcast with clouds. My words are like the stars that never change. Whatever Seattle says, the great chief at Washington can rely upon with as much certainty as he can upon the return of the sun or the seasons. The white chief says that Big Chief at Washington sends us greetings of friendship and goodwill. This is kind of him for we know he has little need of our friendship in return. His people are many. They are like the grass that covers vast prairies. My people are few. They resemble the scattering trees of a storm-swept plain. The great, and I presume — good, White Chief sends us word that he wishes to buy our land but is willing to allow us enough to live comfortably. This indeed appears just, even generous, for the Red Man no longer has rights that he need respect, and the offer may be wise, also, as we are no longer in need of an extensive country.

There was a time when our people covered the land as the waves of a wind-ruffled sea cover its shell-paved floor, but that time long since passed away with the greatness of tribes that are now but a mournful memory. I will not dwell on, nor mourn over, our untimely decay, nor reproach my paleface brothers with hastening it, as we too may have been somewhat to blame.

Youth is impulsive. When our young men grow angry at some real or imaginary wrong, and disfigure their faces with black paint, it denotes that their hearts are black, and that they are often cruel and relentless, and our old men and old women are unable to restrain them. Thus it has ever been. Thus it was when the white man began to push our forefathers ever westward. But let us hope that the hostilities between us may never return. We would have everything to lose and nothing to gain. Revenge by young men is considered gain, even at the cost of their own lives, but old men who stay at home in times of war, and mothers who have sons to lose, know better.

Our good father in Washington—for I presume he is now our father as well as yours, since King George has moved his boundaries further north—our great and good father, I say, sends us word that if we do as he desires he will protect us. His brave warriors will be to us a bristling wall of strength, and his wonderful ships of war will fill our harbors, so that our ancient enemies far to the northward — the Haidas and Tsimshians — will cease to frighten our women, children, and old men. Then in reality he will be our father and we his children. But can that ever be? Your God is not our God! Your God loves your people and hates mine! He folds his strong protecting arms lovingly about the paleface and leads him by the hand as a father leads an infant son. But, He has forsaken His Red children, if they really are His. Our God, the Great Spirit, seems also to have forsaken us. Your God makes your people wax stronger every day. Soon they will fill all the land. Our people are ebbing away like a rapidly receding tide that will never return. The white man’s God cannot love our people or He would protect them. They seem to be orphans who can look nowhere for help. How then can we be brothers? How can your God become our God and renew our prosperity and awaken in us dreams of returning greatness? If we have a common Heavenly Father He must be partial, for He came to His paleface children. We never saw Him. He gave you laws but had no word for His red children whose teeming multitudes once filled this vast continent as stars fill the firmament. No; we are two distinct races with separate origins and separate destinies. There is little in common between us.

To us the ashes of our ancestors are sacred and their resting place is hallowed ground. You wander far from the graves of your ancestors and seemingly without regret. Your religion was written upon tablets of stone by the iron finger of your God so that you could not forget. The Red Man could never comprehend or remember it. Our religion is the traditions of our ancestors — the dreams of our old men, given them in solemn hours of the night by the Great Spirit; and the visions of our sachems, and is written in the hearts of our people.

Your dead cease to love you and the land of their nativity as soon as they pass the portals of the tomb and wander away beyond the stars. They are soon forgotten and never return. Our dead never forget this beautiful world that gave them being. They still love its verdant valleys, its murmuring rivers, its magnificent mountains, sequestered vales and verdant lined lakes and bays, and ever yearn in tender fond affection over the lonely-hearted living, and often return from the happy hunting ground to visit, guide, console, and comfort them.

Day and night cannot dwell together. The Red Man has ever fled the approach of the White Man, as the morning mist flees before the morning sun. However, your proposition seems fair and I think that my people will accept it and will retire to the reservation you offer them. Then we will dwell apart in peace, for the words of the Great White Chief seem to be the words of nature speaking to my people out of dense darkness.

It matters little where we pass the remnant of our days. They will not be many. The Indian’s night promises to be dark. Not a single star of hope hovers above his horizon. Sad-voiced winds moan in the distance. Grim fate seems to be on the Red Man’s trail, and wherever he will hear the approaching footsteps of his fell destroyer and prepare stolidly to meet his doom, as does the wounded doe that hears the approaching footsteps of the hunter.

A few more moons, a few more winters, and not one of the descendants of the mighty hosts that once moved over this broad land or lived in happy homes, protected by the Great Spirit, will remain to mourn over the graves of a people once more powerful and hopeful than yours. But why should I mourn at the untimely fate of my people? Tribe follows tribe, and nation follows nation, like the waves of the sea. It is the order of nature, and regret is useless. Your time of decay may be distant, but it will surely come, for even the White Man whose God walked and talked with him as friend to friend, cannot be exempt from the common destiny. We may be brothers after all. We will see.

We will ponder your proposition and when we decide we will let you know. But should we accept it, I here and now make this condition that we will not be denied the privilege without molestation of visiting at any time the tombs of our ancestors, friends, and children. Ever part of this soil is sacred in the estimation of my people. Every hillside, every valley, every plain and grove, has been hallowed by some sad or happy event in days long vanished. Even the rocks, which seem to be dumb and dead as they swelter in the sun along the silent shore, thrill with memories of stirring events connected with the lives of my people, and the very dust upon which you now stand responds more lovingly to their footsteps than yours, because it is rich with the blood of our ancestors, and our bare feet are conscious of the sympathetic touch. Our departed braves, fond mothers, glad, happy-hearted maidens, and even the little children who lived here and rejoiced here for a brief season, will love these somber solitudes and at eventide they greet shadowy returning spirits. And when the last Red Man shall have perished, and the memory of my tribe shall have become a myth among the White Men, these shores will swarm with the invisible dead of my tribe, and when your children’s children think themselves alone in the field, the store, the shop, upon the highway, or in the silence of the pathless woods, they will not be alone. In all the earth there is no place dedicated to solitude. At night when the streets of your cities and villages are silent and you think them deserted, they will throng with the returning hosts that once filled them and still love this beautiful land. The White Man will never be alone.

Let him be just and deal kindly with my people, for the dead are not altogether powerless.

Saturday, June 7, 2014

To Live is to be Slowly Born

“A single event can awaken within us a stranger totally unknown to us. To live is to be slowly born.”
-Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

Friday, May 30, 2014

Poor Blossom


Oh, what a catastrophe, what a maiming of love when it was made a personal, merely personal feeling, taken away from the rising and the setting of the sun, and cut off from the magic connection of the solstice and equinox!  This is what is the matter with us, we are bleeding at the roots, because we are cut off from the earth and sun and stars, and love is a grinning mockery, because poor blossom, we plucked it from its stem on the tree of Life, and expected it to keep looming in our civilized vase on the table.
-DH Lawrence
Lady Chatterly's Lover

Psychic Anchor


"We hold onto childhood memories of certain places as a kind of psychic anchor, reminding us of where we came from, of what we once were, or of how the physical environment perhaps nurtured us when family dynamics were strained or the context of our lives fraught with uncertainty."
-Claire Cooper Marcus "House as Mirror of Self"

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

The Experience of the Sacred Translated Through Human Memory Patterns

 

"The sacred has a dynamic aspect in that it has a tendency to manifest itself of its own accord.  It tends to come into the world and make itself known.  Further, each incarnate form, each object of matter, has a tendency to realize its archetypal, universal, sacred meaning.  These two tendencies-- that of the sacred to manifest itself and that of each incarnate form to realize its deeper archetype--come together in such a way that any object at any time can incorporate within itself all the power of the holy.  When the sacred manifests itself in the world, something in the human allows it to be immediately recognized.  A part of the human, most often a subconscious part, experiences the sacred and says to the conscious mind, "that is the REAL."  The conscious mind is then made aware of that which is beyond it and that from which it comes, the sacred.

The intrusion of the sacred into human experience represents a direct transmission of the REAL, a transmission of God, Creator, Allah, Great Spirit.  The human who experiences this is made aware of a reality that transcends the human and thus predates the human linguistic and cultural contstructs.  This presents difficulties.  How does one retain the memory and experience of something that predates all things human?  To explain the experience and to retain memory of it, human beings automatically structure the direct experience of the sacred into internalized symbolic constructs.  Thus the sacred comes to be expressed in visions, wondrous feelings, thoughts and sometimes smells and tastes.  This is due to the nature of memory patterning. 

Human memory patterns are constructed of aspects of the five senses; that is, memories are encoded bits of sights, sounds, smells, tastes, feelings.  Thus the experience of the sacred is translated into visions, sounds, smells, tastes and feelings even though the sacred is both all and none of these things.  Examinations of  the written and oral records of those who encountered the sacred show that their experiences were very rich and generally included all of the five senses."
-Stephen Harrod Buhner from "Sacred Plant Medicine"